We met with Oncology and Neurosurgery yesterday and it seems to be the general consensus that we try chemotherapy. The hope is to stop the neuroblastoma from growing further and even shrink it. Although surgery seemed the best case scenario when she was first diagnosed I fear that we would not have the same outcome the second time around. She lost two nerve roots and a chunk of muscle in her right hip/back and amazing had no obvious detriment. She walks, runs and climbs and if she were completely whole! Knowing how small the residual tumors are and how much scar tissue she has inside her tiny body makes it unlikely that she would make it through another surgery without losing more nerve roots. This isn't a risk we are willing to take right now. And so, chemo begins.
The plan is to start her on intermediate dose chemotherapy on July 12th. She will have a port placed back in her heart and be admitted that same day to begin treatment. Each cycle should be a 3-5 day inpatient stay and within 21 days of her first dose, we should be back in the hospital again for the next cycle. This is all assuming that she handles the chemo well and doesn't suffer from too many infections and hospital stays between cycles. The plan is two cycles then an MRI and then most likely another two cycles.
Although at the moment I feel fine - even hopeful to have a purpose and a plan to actively try and rid her of her cancer, I know that when the time comes to actually drive to Grand Rapids and begin - I will be terrified. I've been the most afraid of chemotherapy since she was first diagnosed almost a year and a half ago. I worry not only about what it will do to her tiny body but also how I will learn to care for a child who can get sick and be hospitalized so easily. I don't feel up to the task. I know already that the physical representation of her illness that she will, unfortunately, finally experience in losing her hair, will break me. Everyone is so proud of her huge, fluffy, ringlets and I hate that she will have to start over. Additionally, I have a massive amount of mommy guilt about leaving Jackson so often. I know, don't tell me, he won't remember! But I will and still feel bad for leaving him and selfishly sad that he won't be around to comfort me.
We do have the amazing opportunity to be up in Pentwater the week before her treatment starts with the entire Waligorski side of the family. My parents have rented a cabin and everyone - including my sister and bro-in-law, Rachelle and Ed Thomas, who are in the Army and live in Texas will be there with their kids. Four kids, our spouses and our six kids, collectively. Seven adults and six kids doesn't seem like a peaceful ratio but we should have a blast and it will be a great way for us to try and enjoy our summer as much as possible before we are more limited by Gabrielle's health.
We have been so incredibly blessed that she has spent almost a year and a half after being diagnosed with cancer, completely healthy and strong. I always say - She's perfectly healthy except for cancer :) I cherish this last year that she has been able to simply be a child with no other worries. Please continue to pray for her health as we head into darker territory. Our prayer for her - other than complete healing - is that she could live as normal as possible and still be able to do and experience as many activities as she did before the chemo began! Thank you for standing with us and not only praying but also DECLARING that she WILL be healthy and she WILL be healed.
All our love - Abigail Asher