I spent a good chunk of my evening sitting alone on the couch and reading a large number of caringbridge updates that I've missed over the last month or two. I used to read them religiously whenever there was a new update - I've been very much in my own world this summer and havn't kept up at all.
As I sat and could barely read the words through through my tears, I was reminded what a selfish, self centered and ungrateful person I can be. I was given a "slap in the face" reminder of what I could be dealing with every day and every night, but am not. Yes, we do an MRI every four months and it carries a lot of anxiety but in those four months in between we live life normally. How is it that I can so easily forget what others are going through daily and what we were living 2.5 years ago and not be thanking God EVERY MOMENT that I can watch my children run and play and eat and even sometimes scream and fight with each other with no other worries than my sanity at that moment?
I am reminded why I allow myself to read these stories and cry and feel pain. Because it pushes me to be better, to love harder, to be thankful, to cherish every moment good and bad. It reminds me that my trials are fleeting, they are nothing compared to what they could be. I am blessed, my family and my children are blessed. I am loved in spite of my sinful nature. I have joy on earth even amidst the pain and suffering of the world and I have the promise of a better life and a better future.